Letters from boot...

Well, I am having so much down time with my wisdom teeth getting pulled and everything that I decided I would go back and read my letters from boot camp! Wow does it take me back. Its funny to look at them now considering I felt like I was dying then, and now I have 6 months to go... not even getting letters. Sometimes I think about how different our lives would be if he didn't join. Honestly, it would be completely different. We would both be going to college, not married, still living in Arizona, I would be at NAU for Dental Hygiene, he would be playing football at MCC and trying to get into firefighting. We have had to face so many challenges in our relationship but I wouldn't change any of it. I have learned that every day spent with him is the best day of my life. Obviously he makes me crazy most days =] But I love him the same no matter what. When Joel is gone its almost like a time for reflection. I sit there and look at our relationship and think of all the things I want to do better when he gets back, we are not perfect, far from it, but I can learn to appreciate the times we have apart, for us to grow as individuals and create goals beyond each other. We both need our independence just as much as our dependence. Deployment has taught me how to do a ton of things on my own. Granted it would be nice to do them with Joel, but I can accept what we have chosen for our lives and if it means doing things on my own then so be it. It is all going to be worth it when I am back in his arms again come August <3

108 Pages, Promised I would write every day =]

Lost the mail key a couple times... Panicked just the same every time! 

Haha maybe this was cruel... To start off a letter sounding like a "Dear John" =P

Then, Now, Forever <3

A picture a day while you were away...

Yeah obviously I failed the 30 day challenge lol. I have such a hard time finishing things... I get bored with it so easy!! Anyways, Im thinkin ill just post my picture of the day everyday on here instead =] or a few of them idk... Sometimes I just really don't know what to talk about! So here are my pictures so far!

Day 1- Hardest day of my life was watching him leave =[

Day 2- I got SO lucky that my friend Katie could help me out with the terrible situation I was in, we talked all night long and woke up to this beautiful day!

Day 3- Got home after a LONG flight and Nana and Papa took Mom and me to dinner at Olive Garden

Day 4- First day at Chandler-Gilbert! Stayed the night at Keelies and had math and communications

Day 5- Irrigation day!

Day 6- After a long week of being SUPER busy, this is how I felt =P

Day 7- Met with Brittany Janelle about our wedding photography =] and went to see “No strings attached” with Courtney and it was SO cute! And then we stopped to see Jeff and played the Xbox Kinect it is SOOOO fun!! We danced the night away, and then Joel got online and I ran up to who evers computer was upstairs and talked to him for 30 minutes!

Day 8- Had lunch with Zellner and talked about everything! I got the first Valentines care package made for Joel and the guys =]

Day 9- STEELER GAME at Uncle Bears! They won and were going to the Super Bowl!

Day 10- Bay, Kenz, and I went to Filly B’s and I got the famous Carne Asada fries =] couldn’t even finish half of them!

Day 11- We wanted to make these Valentines cookies to send to Joel… but some got burnt… and we couldn’t resist eating the rest haha!

Day 12- My day to cook! Made taco bake =] YUMM

Day 13- Keelie and I just hung out in the library… where I would sit on the computer for the hour between classes and wait for Joel to get on!

Day 14- Yep you guessed it! Rearranged and cleaned the room! It looks awesome now =] Sorry Joel but this room needed a little bit better set up...

Day 15- Time to clean pens… Also had a photo shoot with Spur too! Then Bailey and I went to Michaels and made flower balls =]

Day 16- Stinkin dryer broke! Time to start hanging clothes!

Day 17- Got my hair done… it was lookin a little grown out, and thought I would throw some darker blonde in

Day 18- Kenz and I realized I didn’t take a picture for the day… so this one is random

Day 19- First night back to work! And after class I had my consultation at the Dentist for my wisdom teeth to get pulled… I WAS NOT EXCITED.

Day 20- Haha Robbie wanted to go out to eat and get all dressed up… went to Paradise for some hot cocoa and then Olive Garden!

Day 22- Didn’t do much today, just put all of my letters from boot camp in a binder… 108 pages! And Courtney came over and we hung out =]

Day 23- Super bowl Sunday! Steelers lost =[ But I hung out at dads and ate some yummy food!

Day 24- Basketball game, last game for bay!

Day 25- Finally went to the DMV and got my name changed! Cake in a Jar was so weird and I don’t even think it came out right lol

Day 26- I sent out your second care package and had to work that night, and all I have been doing is tan tan tan tan after class =]

Day 27- WORKIN OUT! Im getting in shape baybayy! Dad and I went to lunch together too =]

Day 28- FINALLY GOT TO TALK TO JOEL!!!!!!!!! Haha I just woke up =] I know Joel misses this morning hair =] Then I had to work ALL day AGAIN.

Day 29- Gosh. That was a bad idea! Lol but I got a bunch of REALLY cute stuff haha

Day 30- Ok so this was the funnest night I have had in a while! I sang 3 songs and sang a duet with the karaoke man, ITS SOOO FUN! =]

Day 31- Went to Olive Garden with the fam. It was hilarious! Scott and Joel are too funny... and I realized that I am the 5th wheel everywhere now! bummer! 

Day 32- Well here it is.... Valentines day! Haha everyone was posting their Valentines flowers so I figured Id take a picture with the next best thing A WEED =] lol this valentines day sucked!

Time to get movin!

I have decided that today is the day that I am going to begin my whole work out routine! I am determined to get in the best shape =] And not only that but also to KEEP UP WITH IT! Goodness I swear I work out for 3 days and I am done... no more of that... Im sticking with it. So anyone that I am with, if I even look at unhealthy food or I am dreading a run.... FORCE ME TO DO THE RIGHT THING! I have just been super tired and lazy lately and I HATE it. I know its from lack of... anything really... I havent been eating right or working out. I know I am not fat by all means, but I just wanna start feeling better =] Grocery store today for fruits and veggies! Today marks my lifestyle change!

If I just don't talk about it...

I feel like I am the type of person that keeps everything in... if it has anything to do with emotions I keep it in until I feel like I cant breath. When I talk about Joel I put on a face that everything is just great. It just isn't. No matter how amazing this family is that I am staying with, no matter how many classes I go to, or how much homework I have, no matter how much I have to work, how many projects I have started, how many times I hang out with friends, no matter how much I clean, or eat, or breath. Nothing feels the same. Anything I do feels like I am just alone. Even if I am standing in the middle of times square on New Years eve. Its just empty. The other day at work I had been getting asked about Joel a lot, which is understandable because well, I haven't seen anyone in a long time, so of course I will get asked how he is doing, but its that gentle reminder that it has been 2 weeks since I last talked to him and when I get asked if I am doing ok, I just say yeah I am ok or hanging in there, but how do you explain to someone that my life is flipped upside down and I go to bed thinking of him praying he is ok wherever he is in the world. Deployment is so much more than anyone can prepare for. There is not one way you can be ready for it, and there is nothing anyone can say to get you to understand. I just hate going day to day looking at the world and watching everyone go about their merry days when I know there are so many of us military wives and fiances and whatnot out there just praying for one single phone call. And yet there are girls out there who get mad if they cant see their boyfriend for an extra hour longer. Any ways, I am not even going to get into that. But I guess this post is just a way to vent. I am just getting frustrated... There is nothing I can do to know what is going on. I just love him so much and I dont know how to move on with daily things when every 5 minutes I'm checking my phone just in case I get a call. I am hoping that I can get better at talking about it without feeling like I am dying inside. However I have a feeling that it will never change. Not until I get the call. I love you Joel <3

Day 6- 30 facts about me!

I decided I would skip day 5... It is a little ridiculous if you ask me. However, here are 30 facts about me.... if I can think of that many!

• I am a perfectionist
• I love my husband
• I love God
• My favorite color is red
• Favorite ice cream is good ol' fashion cookie dough
• I hate a messy kitchen
• Im not a fan of school
• ...But I am pretty smart
• I love photography
• My favorite football team is the Steelers!
• I LOVE pasta
• I love basketball, but fail to really have a favorite team
• Babies and elderly are my weakness
• ...also pazookie
• I am a germaphobe
• I recently learned that I am a pretty good cook
• I am never late
• I have the worst anxiety ever
• And I tend to be a little pesimistic... Thanks DAD! =P
• I can be extremely optimistic though... after something bad happens...
• My patience SUCKS
• Im part of the national honor society
• I am a mix of a million different personalities
• I am a huge Dexter fan!
• I am not really picky at all... except when it comes to mushrooms and sometimes onions...
• I hate confrontation
• The one thing I regret is not continuing gymnastics
•  I hate SoCal and the stupid Famous clothing.
• I have a hard time finishing things
• I like to read... But always stop halfway for some reason =P

That was hard. haha