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Day 1- Current Relationship
Well, I think I do a lot of talking about Joel on here! But I can add more now that he is deployed. My current relationship is miles away. There are so many emotions with him being gone its almost shocking how many times my mood can change in one day. I spent the first few days of the deployment SLEEPLESS. I started school and I made sure I would stay busy with a million other things so I was waking up at 630am some days and not going to sleep till midnight cause Joel would be online and then I would get a call or text (Thank you to those people who would tell me at 2 and 3am that Joel was on!) and I would be up for the next hour writing back and forth and then wake up the next day and do it all over again. So you can imagine the sadness when he wouldn't call as much and I would wait... and go to the computer lab at school between classes... just hoping for something... I knew what we were getting into when Joel joined, I just couldn't completely wrap my head around what our relationship was going to have to endure. I'm sure all of my marine wives can understand where I am coming from. Sometimes if I really start thinking and making myself crazy, I get scared that I have this possibility of having to face this world alone one day. I dont go there much, but when I do... The night Joel told me he doesn't call as much because he misses home so much more I was angry, but then he said "...I need to focus on the job and when I talk to you I miss home so much, and I cant get complacent, thats how marines get hurt" I automatically started to cry. The thought of losing the person you love the most in this world will scare the hell out of you, and the thought that you could be a cause of that is even worse. The things that are important in life really come to surface, I havent been in this deployment for long, but long enough to know that when I go through my days I dont care who I meet, who I talk to, what is on the agenda, I just am thinking to myself... 7 months. My husband will be in my arms again. The constant feeling of missing someone gets to you... I feel like we have spent more of our relationship missing each other than anything else. I just pray to God that he brings my husband home, safe and unharmed. I miss you Joel. We are only a star away.
Well, I think I do a lot of talking about Joel on here! But I can add more now that he is deployed. My current relationship is miles away. There are so many emotions with him being gone its almost shocking how many times my mood can change in one day. I spent the first few days of the deployment SLEEPLESS. I started school and I made sure I would stay busy with a million other things so I was waking up at 630am some days and not going to sleep till midnight cause Joel would be online and then I would get a call or text (Thank you to those people who would tell me at 2 and 3am that Joel was on!) and I would be up for the next hour writing back and forth and then wake up the next day and do it all over again. So you can imagine the sadness when he wouldn't call as much and I would wait... and go to the computer lab at school between classes... just hoping for something... I knew what we were getting into when Joel joined, I just couldn't completely wrap my head around what our relationship was going to have to endure. I'm sure all of my marine wives can understand where I am coming from. Sometimes if I really start thinking and making myself crazy, I get scared that I have this possibility of having to face this world alone one day. I dont go there much, but when I do... The night Joel told me he doesn't call as much because he misses home so much more I was angry, but then he said "...I need to focus on the job and when I talk to you I miss home so much, and I cant get complacent, thats how marines get hurt" I automatically started to cry. The thought of losing the person you love the most in this world will scare the hell out of you, and the thought that you could be a cause of that is even worse. The things that are important in life really come to surface, I havent been in this deployment for long, but long enough to know that when I go through my days I dont care who I meet, who I talk to, what is on the agenda, I just am thinking to myself... 7 months. My husband will be in my arms again. The constant feeling of missing someone gets to you... I feel like we have spent more of our relationship missing each other than anything else. I just pray to God that he brings my husband home, safe and unharmed. I miss you Joel. We are only a star away.
Stay strong girl :)- There are alot of blogs from wives who are dealing with the same situation, I find it helps to read those! Ill be thinking of you, let me know if you need anything!
ReplyDeleteJust thought you should know...you and Joel are adorable! =D
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